Here is something I've been thinking about recently...
I hate being a copycat. If you know me, then you know this. I hesitate to copy people, and I hate when people copy me. (There are exceptions to this, friends, so don't start second-guessing yourselves!)
I like to be original.(This reminds me of ye ole' college days when
Ashley and I would scurry in competition to find the coolest original decorating idea for our separate apartments/duplexes. All these years later, you win, my friend...by a landslide!)
So our recent decision to adopt has been problematic for my ego. Because we have
dear friends who have adopted. From Ethiopia. Any mutual friends between us hear of our exciting news and say/think, "Oh, like the Rays!" or "Oh, you're getting 'your own Sophie!' "
International adoption is apparently all the rage in Hollywood, so we get a lot of "Oh, like Angelina!" or "Oh, like Madonna!" etc.
Women my age identify with giving birth. (Want to start excited chatter among a group of women? Just start asking what the birth of their children was like.) But adoption...well, it's a stretch to connect with adoption. So we get a lot of "Oh, like my second cousin once removed adopted!"
I know in my head that people are just trying to connect...to find a way to be excited or knowledgeable. But inside my (prideful) heart, I am thinking, "
No, we are doing something that we decided to do ourselves, separate from other people we know about!" And then I just get belligerent and irrational, "WE ARE DOING SOMETHING BRAND NEW THAT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE!" Deep breaths.
Here's the deep-down reason why I think it bothers me:
It takes away the excitement of the news. Let's say my friend Sally tells me she's pregnant. Do I respond by exclaiming, "Oh, just like your sister Betty was!" or "Jennifer Garner was pregnant a few years ago!" or "My friend's cousin did that!"
No one considers pregnant women as "copying" other pregnant women (in general). And in general, no one really voices their concern over someone getting pregnant: "Well, you know Betty's child turned out to be a little terror. I hope Sally can handle this."
I just want to be treated as an original, like everyone else. But then again, there is nothing new under the sun. And if you really think about it, our lives are all about being copycats...our houses look like knock-offs of our favorite home decor stores. Our clothes look like the catalogs of our favorite designers. Our speech is the same dialect of the region in which we live. And if there is Someone we should really be known for copying...well, you know where this is going...
This journey has been teaching me:
(1) When I encounter someone else's experience, I should
respond to it (with joy or sadness) "as is," without trying to tether myself to the situation in some way with my own experiences.
(2) If I am
compared to anyone in this life, I hope ultimately it is
to my Father, who adopted me as his daughter and loves me perfectly.
1. From HIV to Home has a promotion called "5 for Five"--beginning today, they are asking for $5 a day for the next five days to put towards five different projects that will be featured on their website.
2. Also, AHOPE is looking for families to sponsor the 15 additional children with HIV that will be cared for in their orphanages thanks to a new larger facility.
